


In the Highlands of My Heart

by GrassMower



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Angst, Aristocracy, Forbidden Love, Historical, M/M, Period-Typical Homophobia, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-09
Updated: 2016-11-09
Packaged: 2018-08-30 02:02:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 15,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8514397
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GrassMower/pseuds/GrassMower
Summary: As heir to the county, Jongdae has no time to waste.





	

**Author's Note:**

> this fanfiction takes place in early medieval times and works with the aristocratic system, which means the country belongs to the king but the country is divided in counties (lands) where dukes and counts (also named earls) rule in his place. Crossposted on [aff](http://www.asianfanfics.com/story/view/1191250)

 

 “Listen to me, Jongdae.” His father’s eyes are stern, the hand clasped on his shoulder strong. “The important part of handling these people is to be equal to them.”

Jongdae nods, handing over his horse’s reins to the squire. This misty day is the first day he will ever take on the duty of a count. His father, Count Kim Jongsuk, has declared his firstborn son old enough to learn about being a count for his eventual heritage of the title. Jongdae has always known this day would come, but to say he is looking forward to it would be a lie. He treasures his free and careless life, and although he thinks he has done a great job of spending the years wisely by practicing horse-riding, sword fighting, and etiquette, he does not want to say farewell to his freedom.

Coming to this nameless hill this early in the morning is a hassle for Jongdae, but he can’t deny the tiny spark of enthusiasm in his stomach. Surely, Jongdae isn’t looking forward to becoming count, but getting a peek into his father’s everyday work is exciting nonetheless.

His gaze falls on the farmhouse at the bottom of the hill, slightly enveloped in the morning mist. It’s by no means anything extraordinary, Jongdae has seen more than enough of these. The straw roof and the cobblestone paths are something Jongdae wouldn’t have eyes for if it wasn’t for today’s duty. As his father and he stroll along the path, the unavoidable mud pools stain Jongdae’s leather shoes, causing him to scowl. His father gives him but a look and he’s back in line, back straightened, in the prim and proper way he’s been taught since birth.

Count Jongsuk raps his knuckles thrice on the wooden door, then takes a polite step back. A distraught woman in ragged and dirtied clothes opens the door, her dark locks plastered to her filthy cheeks. Her eyes are red around the rim and her nose is runny. Jongdae guesses she’s been crying. After all, this family of farmers have just lost a husband and a father, which is also the reason why Jongdae and his father are here.

“May we come in?” Jongdae’s father asks.

The woman quickly wipes her nose and eyes, flashing a smile. “Of course, of course! Come in straight away!” She gestures inside with wide arm movements, sinking a tiny bit through her knees as Jongdae and his father pass her.

Jongdae lets his eyes wander – the outside may be familiar to him, but he can’t recall ever being inside of a farmhouse so he lets his eyes feast on the sight. It’s quite dark inside, barely any light filtering in apart from the small windows and a dim oil lamp that hangs from the ceiling. The wooden floor creaks under his steps, and the chair does as well when he sits down.

“Mother Kim,” Jongdae’s father addresses properly, taking off his fancy hat, “I am deeply sorry to hear about the passing of your husband. He was a good man.”

Mother Kim bows her head and whispers, “Thank you.”

“I have brought my son along today, as you may have seen. I want him to get familiar with being a count, so today he will be observing. If you don’t mind, could you introduce your sons again? I’m afraid I’ve forgotten their names and faces.”

“Of course, my lord! I will be glad to.” She walks through the back door calling some names and Jongdae’s father clasps a hand on his shoulder.

“Learn the names and faces of these boys. It will do you good.”

“Do you already know them, father?” Jongdae asks.

He earns a laugh in response.

When Mother Kim returns, Jongdae sees she’s straightened her dress and fixed her hair. He appreciates that she is trying to look presentable to nobility, but he and his father would never bring themselves to care – a peasant is a peasant.

She gestures to her three sons, who all bow their heads in respect before she speaks up: “These are my sons,” she introduces. “This is Joonmyun, he is our firstborn.” Her hands slide through his greasy hair before laying them on the next boy’s shoulders. “This is Jongin, he is our second. And this is Sehun, he is the youngest.”

“Your sons have grown well,” Jongdae’s father commentates with a smile to Mother Kim.

Jongdae, in the meanwhile, has his eyes on the three boys in front of him. It takes seeing the firstborn’s face to realize he recognizes them. It has been very long since Jongdae has last seen these three. Jongdae doesn’t exactly remember when or why, but he guesses it has to do with his father allowing them on the land.

The brothers have the same dirty skin as their mother, ragged clothes and sticky hair. It’s nothing Jongdae hasn’t seen before – most peasants look like this. What is remarkable, however, is the fact that they are not an eyesore. Jongdae can see a good bath and a good robe making them look as noble as he does. When his eyes cross the firstborn, Joonmyun, something flashes through him and he directs his gaze to his legs, ashamed to be caught staring.

“We need help with the farm,” Mother Kim tells them. Jongdae sees the desperation in her eyes when she takes a deep breath. “My sons will not be able to handle it on their own – Joonmyun is far from ready to be in charge of the farm.”

Recognition sparks in his chest, it seems Joonmyun is in the same position on him. He is also facing a responsibility he is not quite ready to take – though on a smaller scale.

Count Jongsuk nods empathetically before turning to his son, “What do you think we should do, Jongdae?”

Jongdae stiffens, gazing up to see expectant looks coming from the family. “I think trying to seek a laborer who is well-learned on the subject of farming and have him teach the sons everything they need to run the farm by themselves.”

His father nods in approval. “That does not sound so bad,” he says with a bit of laughter. As he stands up, he gestures his son to do the same. “We will get word out as soon as we decide on anything. After I decide what will be for the best, I will let my son handle the rest.”

Mother Kim sinks a bit through her knees, bowing her head. “We are honored, my lord.”

Said count smiles at the boys as they bow in salute, but Jongdae remains impassive, slightly overwhelmed.

Outside, the mist has risen, but the crisp air has stayed, coloring Jongdae’s cheeks red. His father pats him on the shoulder as they strut to their horses, looking pleased. “I’m proud of you, son. I can tell you will not fail me or these people.”

Jongdae smiles at his father, but it is brief as his fear of failure decides to pull on his features.

\---

“I am telling you, my love, we have raised Jongdae well.” Count Jongsuk tells his beloved at supper, gazing at his son with nothing but pride. His wife, Countess Kim Sunhyeon, smiles, proudly as well. She was only able to conceive one child, so her worries for Jongdae to not live up to expectations have always plagued her. Hearing something this excellent drives all doubts away. An adoring look is shot to her son.

Jongdae twirls his goblet between his fingers. He really does not want to let his parents know of his fears. It’s not that he does not trust them enough to share his worries, it is about disappointing them. He’s feared that more than anything. There is no second son to redeem him – the nobility of their bloodline depends on only him.  

“It took him but seconds to come up with a solution for the farmers! It runs in his blood, he was meant for the ways of a count, just like I was.”

“I’ve never felt prouder,” his mother says. “Oh, if I had only been there to see it. My son, handling the people like his father would.”

“It was marvelous, my dear.” He raises his goblet, nodding to his son. “To future count Kim Jongdae!”

Jongdae raises his goblet as well, nodding back, but with a bitter taste in his mouth. “Thank you, father.”

“After supper I will gather a hunting party. We are going out at the first light of dawn, my son!”

“You ought to bring back a celebratory buck, my dear.” His mother teases, tilting her goblet to her lips.

“Of course, of course! I’ll bring back every beast that jumps in front of my—”

“May I be excused?” Jongdae interjects. His parents look up, stumped. “Today was quite overwhelming and I wish to rest.”

“But of course, my son.” His mother says. “Rest all you need.”

“I will, mother.” He replies with a smile, though it is strained at the edges. The chair groans when he pushes it back, the wooden floor squeaking from underneath the bear pelt. As he exits the hall, he hears his parents return to praising him, which does nothing but put more pressure on his already heavy chest.

Once Jongdae has entered his room, the strings on his tunic are loosened. Sighing, he lights a few extra candles and takes a seat by the window, staring into the darkness of the night.

The days of doing whatever he pleases are coming to an end, free time being exchanged for his duty as an heir. Though his father has told him several times that he is a natural, he doubts it. He has so little knowledge of being a count and yet he has been given the task of helping an entire family back on its legs. The pressure is suffocating already, and all he can do is hope his father will guide him through.

Thinking back on the boys back at the farm, he remembers their dirt-ridden tunics and grimy faces. His father has told him to learn who they are, so he starts matching faces to names in his mind. Sehun, the youngest, lanky and tall, skin on bones. Jongin, the middle child, sickly skin and tired eyes, tall as well. And Joonmyun, short and skinny Joonmyun. Jongdae wonders if he is feeling the same pressure. After all, for him there are expectations too and looking the way he does, weak and like he cannot even lift a stick, Jongdae doubts he is to meet them.

Jongdae sighs. At least that’ll give him something to talk about when they see each other again.

\---

Jongdae and his squire halt their horses by the mill. Another early morning has the mist riding low in the hills, adding to the desolate feeling the farm gives off. After jumping off his horse, Jongdae slides his tongue over his dry lips. He’s nervous. When his father made the final decision on how they were going to help the farmer family, he ordered Jongdae to bring the news. Normally they would use a messenger, but it seems his father is keen on teaching Jongdae every step of helping the people out.

As his leather boots trudge over the cobblestone, Jongdae fixes his tunic, wanting to give the impression that he is in control.

A figure appears on the side of the house, where the hens are held. From this distance Jongdae can tell it is Sehun holding a small sack. The boy is strewing grains over the ground before he notices Jongdae and halts, leaning the sack against his hip as he makes his way over to the noble. He bows in respect.

“Good morning,” Jongdae greets with a nod of his head.

“Good morning, my lord.” Sehun greets back politely. “Please, come inside. We have waited anxiously for your return.”

Jongdae feels a tiny pinch of guilt. All this time spent worrying about himself should have been worrying about these people. He smiles at Sehun nonetheless. “I am happy to hear so.”

Before Sehun leads him inside, he nods at his squire, a signal for him to watch the horses, but also to tell him it won’t be long. The squire bows his head in return and Sehun’s puzzled look tells Jongdae just how different their worlds are.

Once they are inside, the gentle warmth of a fireplace soothes his cold cheeks. The smell of burnt wood is pleasantly familiar, and it relieves the tension in his body. The fireplace in Jongdae’s house is only lit during winter, but this house is wooden, so he supposes that is why it is burning during spring.

“Mother, lord Jongdae has arrived.” Sehun calls once the door falls close behind them.

Not seconds later Mother Kim comes rushing from one of the back room, looking sickly. Her eye bags are dark, her face is pale, and her lips are chapped. “Welcome back, my lord.” She greets in a hoarse voice, smiling nonetheless.

“You look a little pale, Mother Kim. Are you not feeling well?” He asks in concern.

“Ah, I am sorry about my appearance. My body is too weak for the work my husband did, but I cannot let my sons run the farm on their own.”

Worry strikes Jongdae. The problems these people have are real, very desperately real. “My father has decided on my solution, though with a small change.” Presenting a smile, Jongdae goes on: “We have already fetched for an experienced farmer to help this mill become what it should be.”

Mother Kim smiles in relief and takes her son under her arm, catching his grin. “That is absolutely wonderful! Thank you, lord Jongdae.”

“It is the least we can do. For years, your family has brought excellent harvest and we wish this mill nothing but prosperity.” The farmers are beaming with pure delight, which warms Jongdae’s heart. He understands why his father speaks so highly of being a count. “We worry for the health of your animals, unfortunately. We have decided to keep them at the stalls back in the castle until your farm has returned to its former state.”

Mother Kim loses her smile, but the happiness is still in her eyes. “That is understandable. Are we to keep the horse and the hound?”

Jongdae nods. “Yes, you may. If you are unable to handle them, however, they are more than welcome back at the castle.”

“Thank you, lord Jongdae.” She says earnestly. “I do not know how we could ever erase our debt to you and your family.”

Jongdae adjust his tunic, preparing to leave. “A good harvest would be good enough. The best of luck to your family. I will be back.”

Outside the air is fresh and humid, but Jongdae sighs contently. The weight has lifted off his shoulders – he is now motivated to work hard for these people, help them rebuild the ruins so they can live without worry once again. Jongdae has newfound respect for his father after realizing being a count is not just about managing the land they own.

As he steps along the cobblestone, he sees Joonmyun and Jongin standing in the distance with their backs turned to Jongdae. Their heads are lowered at a cross – a grave. Jongdae halts his step and swallows. The boys are stick-thin and their mother isn’t in much of a good state either.

With a bitter taste, Jongdae accepts the reigns from his squire. He hopes their aid has not come too late.

\---

Jongdae and his father accompany the farmer to the mill. His father insisted on coming along to see the progress. Though he claimed to have given Jongdae all control, he still demands to see progress and wants to hear about the mill on a daily basis. Jongdae is secretly glad for it as having full control still frightens him. He would not know what to do if things went wrong.

His father knows the farmer, which does not surprise Jongdae all that much. As a count, one should know their people. Jongdae feels a pinch of shame when the man has to introduce himself while his father watches him carefully. His father expects him to know the man, and he doesn’t. Thankfully, the look his father gives him soon disappears as he goes on to chat with the farmer.

The farmer travelled to their castle by horse, and by the reigns he holds in his hands Jongdae can tell this farmer has coins to spare. A farmer usually cannot afford such extravagant reigns. Jongdae guesses he must be from the southern parts, where the river streams and the soil is much more fertile – a better chance at good harvest. Despite the wealth, the man still has a tan and grimy face; an obvious sign of peasantry.

Their journey to the mill is short-lived as the men settle for a fast gallop. Arriving at the mill, the oldest brother, Joonmyun, is already waiting for them. His face is pale and sunken, but his eyes are shining. He must be glad a difficult period has come to an end.

“Welcome, lords.” He greets with a tiny bow.

“Good afternoon, boy.” Jongdae’s father greets. A smile is apparent on his lips but Jongdae sees worry in his eyes.

Joonmyun looks at him and Jongdae gives him a short nod.

Then the farmer steps in, laying his calloused hands on Joonmyun’s bony shoulders. “No more worries, son. With me you will become the best farmer in this godforsaken land.”

“Thank you, Sir.”

 The farmer laughs, “I’m not a Sir. I am simply Master Lee. Let us get inside now, I ought to see who I am to be working with.”

Jongdae’s father lays a hand on his son’s shoulder. “Come son, we shall follow.”

Once inside, Joonmyun asks them to take place at the wooden table.

“Where is Mother Kim?” Count Jongsuk asks, glancing around.

Joonmyun looks down. “She has fallen ill, I’m afraid.” He tells, his words not far from a fleeting whisper.

“Is it bad?” Jongdae can’t help but ask. Mother Kim had been so warm and welcoming – Jongdae would hate to see her hurt. “Should we call for a physician?”

Joonmyun appears to be overwhelmed with his concern, his eyes darting between Jongdae and his father unsurely. “I-it is but a light fever, I hardly reckon a physician is necessary.”

“I would rather have one come by, it is of utmost importance she heals as swiftly as possible.” Jongdae tells him, frowning.

Joonmyun’s eyelashes flutter, “Thank you, lord.”

“It is my pleasure. I wouldn’t be able to sleep knowing your family could lose another member. I will send for a physician as soon as I get back to the castle.”

“Thank you,” Joonmyun whispers, his words genuine. “You have done so much for us.”

“It is the duty of a count to ensure his people can live in peace,” Jongdae’s father tells Joonmyun with a small smile. “You are very valuable to our land. Without the harvest of this mill, food would be a lot harder to come by in the winter.”

Joonmyun is flustered with all the praise – his cheeks are red and his fingers fumble with his tunic. Jongdae feels a small smile tug at his lips at the sight. Shortly after a silence falls, Sehun and Jongin come in, looking as scrawny as the last time Jongdae saw them. Their eyes are not dull, which is a pleasant change. The curious browns orbs stare at the farmer in wonder.

“So these are you brothers?” The farmer asks.

Joonmyun nods hastily. “Y-yes, Jongin and Sehun. They are inexperienced but I believe they will do well with the right training.”

The farmer stands up with a grin, smacking his hands together. “Very well. Get me some mead and then we will see the land.”

Joonmyun nods his head, “Of course, Master Lee.”

Then the four of them exit the house, leaving Jongdae with his father.

“You have the right feelings for a count, my son. Compassion is very much necessary as a count.” Jongdae hears his father tell him. He looks up to see his father smiling at him, pride glistering in his eyes. “You have already done such a fine job of helping these people. I have faith in you. When you take over, I will not have to worry about the land being in good hands.”

“Thank you, father.” Jongdae replies with a bow. His throat feels a little dry.

“Let us ride home to throw a feast. I am filled with pride!”

\---

The worries are close to gone, but Jongdae needs a bit of alone time. A little relaxation. Hunting.

Jongdae gets his horse from the stable boy and sets off with his crossbow and hunting knife. The highlands may seem a lot less animal-populated than the forests, but if one knows where to look, there is plenty to hunt.

After galloping a familiar route, Jongdae gets off his horse and ties it to a tree. He gives it an apple and a pat on its neck before leaving it. This area of the land has a little more covers from trees, and if Jongdae goes south, he knows there will be a forest.

With one sharp inhale, Jongdae takes in the scent of nature. These misty lands are always humid, but in the morning, the smell is fresher. It’s part of what makes hunting so calming. He is in such a different place from home, it’s almost like the castle and his position as heir don’t exist.

On his usual rounds, Jongdae makes his way to the creek and back, usually having caught something by then.

Today he also follows that routine; the spring coat of a young buck becomes visible as the creature moves. Jongdae cannot make another step or the buck will be gone. This is a problem situation – Jongdae’s crossbow is still on his back, and retrieving it makes a sound that will surely scare the buck away. Jongdae weighs the options, but then he decides it is still early into his hunt, and if he scares the buck away, then so be it – there will be plenty more opportunities.

Carefully, he pulls the crossbow over his back. Then, halfway through, a _crack_ resounds, causing the buck to look up, alarmed. Thankfully, it does not run – only peering in Jongdae’s direction with its large eyes. The crossbow is now in Jongdae’s arms, but he still has to cock the bow, which can make quite some noise. As he pulls the bow back, the crossbow groans, startling the buck into a sprint.

Jongdae watches the white back of the buck’s tail disappear into the green. He sighs bitterly, but not in defeat.

As he goes on, he manages to strike two rabbits and one hare. The mammals dangle from his belt and his crossbow has returned to its place on his back. If the familiarity of the trees is anything to go by, Jongdae would say he’s close to the creek. He passes through a glade he knows, remembering the creek is left of here.

As he makes his way through the last shrubbery, Jongdae’s eyes widen at another presence by the brook. The person is crouched, their hands in the water. A basket with clothing stands next to the person and Jongdae realizes they must be washing.

He would rather be by, and leave this person by themselves, but fate has other plans. The person turns their head and instant recognition burns through Jongdae – it’s Joonmyun.

The latter immediately stands up, bowing in respect. “L-lord Jongdae, I did not expect to find you here.”

Jongdae holds his hand up, “Please, we are alone, just Jongdae is fine.”

“Okay… Jongdae.” Joonmyun then smiles at him and Jongdae’s heart skips a beat.

“You are washing clothes?” Jongdae asks.

Red spreads over Joonmyun’s cheeks, all the way up to his ears. “A-ah, yes. I know it is a woman’s work, but mother still has not recovered, and it really needed to be done.”

“Has the physician stopped by yet? I sent out word two days ago.”

Joonmyun shakes his head. “He has not. But mother seems to be recovering. Her skin is no longer hot to touch.”

“That is good to hear. I hope she will recover fast.”

“I hope for it too.”

A silence falls, but Jongdae is against it. He smiles at Joonmyun, “Say, how about you help me hunt a buck? Then we can go back to the mill and cook some hot stew for Mother Kim. That ought to do her good.”

Joonmyun’s eyes sparkle at that, “Of course, of course! That would be lovely!”

\---

The sky is darkening when Jongdae brings his horse back to the stables. The stable boy is already sleeping in the corner, his oil lamp only giving out a dim light.

Jongdae enters the main hall not long after, meeting the eyes of his surprised parents as he takes his seat at the long table.

“Where have you been, my son?” His mother asks immediately. The table is long clean of food and remnants, but her long fingers are still curled around a glass of wine.

“I was out hunting,” Jongdae explains briefly.

“For the entire day?”

“I met Joonmyun in the shrubbery. I offered to cook stew from the rabbits I hunted and stayed for a while. They are good people.”

“Oh, my boy,” his father says, grabbing his son’s hand with both of his. “You truly are a son of mine. When I was your age, I had friends of lower class as well. Best friendships I ever had. I am glad to hear you are not appalled by status, son.”

The pure pride in his parents’ eyes make Jongdae feel warm. The pressure of continuing the position of count do not seem so bad anymore. His father is right – he was born for it. It is in his blood.

With a grin stretching his lips, Jongdae pours some wine in his goblet, thinking about his next visit at the family by the mill.

\---

Mother Kim has recovered, which gives Joonmyun more time outside Master Lee’s teachings. Jongdae visits on a misty afternoon, greeting Mother Kim in a respectful manner before heading over to Joonmyun’s room.

Joonmyun is lying on his singular bed, sleeping peacefully. His brothers’ beds are empty, so Jongdae assumes they are outside. Grinning, Jongdae plops on the end Joonmyun’s bed, using extra force on purpose. Joonmyun groans. He blinks slowly, eyes crusting at the ends as he adjusts to the light.

“Jongdae? What are you doing in here?”

Jongdae pulls his crossbow off his back, showing it to Joonmyun. “We are going to go hunting!”

Joonmyun lets out a groan again, “Please, I’ve just come back from picking weeds all morning! I need some rest.”

“We’ll go to the shrubbery again! To the creek! But this time there will be no washing!” Jongdae announces with a laugh.

Joonmyun chuckles, his cheeks red with embarrassment. “Alright, then. Let me find my boots and we will leave. Will we be going by horse or foot?”

“Foot,” Jongdae answers, grinning.

It might be a long way, but time flies with Joonmyun by his side. Before he knows it, the two of them are by the creek, resting their feet in the cool water. After chatter and laughter, Joonmyun falls back on the grass, staring up at the sky.

“I do not want to be a farmer,” he confesses softly.

Jongdae lets his back hit the grass as well. “I understand,” he whispers back. “I did not want to be count at first. I was not interested in my father’s profession until I had my hand in it. When I dealt with your situation, I understood what it was about. I still had my worries, but they have long faded. I have faith in following my father’s footsteps.”

“If I had the chance to be a count I would gladly take it,” Joonmyun says, sighing. “Farming gets a man nowhere.”

“It is a respectable profession,” Jongdae reasons.

“I suppose so. I still would much rather be something else. A tailor, perhaps.”

“You are welcome to try if you stop by the castle. Our tailor is a very warm woman; she will gladly take you in as a pupil if you are a friend of mine.”

“I would love to,” Joonmyun tells him, and in that moment Jongdae sees real longing in his eyes. Then he sighs, and it all disappears. “But I cannot abandon the mill. I could never abandon my family.”

Jongdae wants to say that he could always become what he wants after Jongin and Sehun come of age, but he holds his tongue. It is not what Joonmyun wants to hear. So, instead, he says: “I understand.”

The small smile on Joonmyun’s lips tells Jongdae that it’s good enough.

\---

Jongdae meets with Joonmyun nearly every day from then on. Usually at the mill or at the creek. Joonmyun finds support in Jongdae, as he’s said. Jongdae used to be in his position, though not entirely the same, but it serves as a solid ground of their friendship. The rest does not have a hard time blooming as they naturally get along. 

Hunting goes quite well too. Joonmyun has a keen eye and no trouble operating the crossbow. Part of what makes hunting so fun is cooking the meat. Unfortunately, Mother Kim now insists to do so, but at least she is no longer sick. Joonmyun has cheered up these days. He’s less somber about his future as a farmer and more eager to follow his father’s footsteps.

Today Jongdae won’t meet Joonmyun by the creek or the mill. Joonmyun will be coming to the castle. Jongdae is a little nervous, and decides to work on his fighting to calm his nerves. Chanyeol is already in the armory when Jongdae arrives, but that is not anything unusual. Sometimes Jongdae wonders if he ever leaves the place at all.

Chanyeol smiles when he enters the room, putting his sword down. “Good morning, lord Jongdae. Want to practice?” He’s not dressed in full armor, but a chainmail is covering most parts.

Jongdae nods, “Just a little sparring. I have a guest coming over and I’d like to keep my mind off it for a while.”

“A guest?” Chanyeol asks with surprise. “A lady, perhaps?”

Jongdae laughs. “No, no. None of that. Just a friend.”

“A lady-friend?”

“No, Chanyeol. Just a friend.”

“Alright,” Chanyeol says, raising his arms in defeat. “Let me get you a sword and we can get started.”

A little sparring has the time flying. Chanyeol knows not to go easy on him, so Jongdae loses at first. As he gets more warmed up, however, the wins start coming in. He starts to remember Chanyeol’s weak spots and manages to take him down quite a few times.

After a long dual of sword clashing, Jongdae gives one final push to Chanyeol’s unbalanced stance. He topples over, falling flat on his behind.

With a smile, he reaches for Jongdae’s outstretched hand. “Ah, you got me again.”

“I sure did,” Jongdae says. Then he spots movement by the door.

It’s Joonmyun, a shy smile on his lips. Both Jongdae and Chanyeol stop moving.

“One of the servants said you would be here.”

Chanyeol looks over at Jongdae, who’s already rushing out of his equipment. His expression is unreadable so Jongdae lets it be. “Let’s have supper, yes? You must be hungry after traveling.”

It is obvious Joonmyun is intimidated by the place. As they wander through the high halls, Joonmyun gazes at everything his eyes can catch. The poor lad is startled when they are greeted by servants. When the two of them sit down at the long table in the main hall, Joonmyun looks uncomfortable. He fidgets with his sleeves and hair, licking his lips over and over again.

“There is no need to be so nervous,” Jongdae says, laying his hand on Joonmyun’s thigh.

“How can I not be, I am a poor man in a count’s castle.”

“You are my friend. You are safe from judgement.”

Joonmyun sighs, “I do not belong here, anyone could see that.”

Jongdae stills. His eyes rake over the ragged tunic on Joonmyun’s thin body. Joonmyun is right, he looks like he does not belong here.

“You are still my friend, and they are to respect that. If not, I will make sure they will be out of the castle before you can blink.”

Joonmyun looks up at him briefly, a flash of surprise in his eyes. “Is that not a bit extreme?”

“Not at all,” Jongdae says, shaking his head. The sheer thought of Joonmyun being disrespected makes his blood boil. “Now where is the food? I asked for it long ago!”

Just as Jongdae stands up, a server comes rushing in, his hair disheveled. “Lord Jongdae, your father has fallen ill!”

“What?” Jongdae gasps. “When did it happen? Is it serious? Bring me to him!”

“I cannot, my lord. You need to handle his guests, and there are letters to be done before nightfall!”

“What are you talking about?” Jongdae asks, baffled.

“I am sorry, my lord, but Lord Jongsuk told me you would understand.”

“Understand what?”

“That you are to take over his position, at this instant!”

Jongdae freezes in shock, the sudden anxiety of responsibility returning instantly.

He was ready to take on one job, but not _the entire position_.

\---

“…And at noon, Count Lee Taesung will be at the castle.”

Jongdae sighs, leaning back in his father’s throne. “Is that all?” He asks in irritation.

The servant looks hesitant. “A-a letter came from your fiancé. She wishes good health to your father and the rest of the family.”

His fiancé. Jongdae has not thought about her in months. So far he has felt neutral about marrying her, seeing it as part of his duty. His parents may be a lot more lenient than others in a noble position, but they still believe in arranged marriage. After all, their marriage was arranged as well, and they turned out to be a perfect match. Jongdae doubts he will ever love his fiancé, as he cannot even remember her name and hasn’t seen her face, but his father always tells him he thought so too.

Bitterly, he rakes a hand through his hair. “Write her a thank you letter.”

“Will do, my lord.”

“You are dismissed,” Jongdae mumbles. The servant bows his head before quietly leaving the room.

The door falling closed leaves the room in total silence. Everything has been overwhelming. Anxiously, Jongdae scratches his nails along the wooden armrests of his father’s throne. Since his father has fallen ill, Jongdae has not had a moment for himself. Taking over his father’s duty is taking up all his time. His days are filled with answering letters, signing papers, and receiving guests.

To think he thought he could handle being a count. Jongdae laughs bitterly. One family he had so see every once in a while is nothing compared to keeping up with what is happening in and outside of the county and manage more tasks on the side. When he only had the troubles of the mill family on his hands, he also had his father’s advice. Now he has to figure most things out by himself.

With a deep sigh, Jongdae gets up from the throne. The stars shine bright in the sky, much to Jongdae’s displeasure. Working from sunrise to sunset is rather depressing. With a bitter taste, Jongdae presses two fingertips against his tongue and proceeds to quench the last burning candle.

As Jongdae makes his way through the dimly lit halls, he only spares the servants a small nod. His strides are at a regular pace, not wanting to seem hurried, but his blood is already rushing as he descends the stairs to the back exit of the castle.

The oil lamp in the stables is still burning. Jongdae finds the stable boy and Chanyeol inside, speaking softly in the hay.

The stable boy, Luhan, quickly moves on his feet and bows. “My lord, how may I help you?”

Jongdae holds his hand up, “Please, stay where you are. I will get my horse and then I am off. Do not wait for my return, I might be back late in the night.”

“Where are you heading, my lord?” Chanyeol asks worriedly.

Jongdae’s eyes dart between Luhan and Chanyeol, who are both staring curiously. He licks his lips, “I am merely going for a ride. My body is begging me to be outside that stuffy room for days now, and the only time I have is at nightfall.”

Luhan and Chanyeol remain silent after that, retreating to their respective seats in the hay while Jongdae saddles his horse. He rides off without so much as a goodbye, trading the light and warmth of the castle for the humid nature air.

It feels liberating to ride under the stars. The wind waves through his hair and his horse’s mane. A feeling of serenity makes him close his eyes and forget about his duties as the count of the land. After warming up on the ride, Jongdae rides to the familiar forest-like bits. He ties his horse to the same tree and gives it an apple, rewarding it for its good work.

Entering the tight shrubbery, Jongdae’s feet think for him. Before he knows it, he finds himself in the clearing before the creek. As he brushes through the last bushes, a familiar figure has their feet dipped in the water.

“Joonmyun,” he calls with slight surprise.

Said man looks up, eyes immediately twinkling with recognition, “Jongdae!” He stands up, looking pleasantly surprised with his company. “Why are you here at this hour?” He then asks.

“I should be asking you that,” Jongdae answers with a grin.

Joonmyun shrugs. “Felt like I needed some time away from the mill.”

“Same for me. All this count duty is driving me mad. The only time I am away from that cursed room is at night.”

An understanding nod comes from Joonmyun before they both sit down in a familiar manner. Joonmyun dips his feet back in the creek but Jongdae is only temped to do so.

“I am glad to see you again,” Joonmyun says softly. “I was worried you might have forgotten about me while you were taking over your father’s duty.”

Jongdae shakes his head, “Oh, believe me when I say I don’t spend every waking moment in that damned room thinking about spending time with you.”

Joonmyun looks surprised when the words leave his lips. “Really?” He asks in a slightly hopeful voice.

“Of course I do! I have had so much fun with you. And there is no one I can speak to about these responsibilities apart from you, Joonmyun. You are the only one who understands what it is like to be in my position.”

A grin blooms on Joonmyun’s face. His heart skips a beat again.

“I am honored,” Joonmyun replies, mirth sparkling in his eyes. Jongdae thinks the moonlight does kind things to his features.

\---

A pattern falls after Joonmyun agrees to meet every night. The day is spent doing count duties and the early night is spent by the creek with Joonmyun. It puts Jongdae at ease. He can disconnect from his duties without harming them and maintain his friendship with Joonmyun. It makes the count duties less difficult. A bit of the weight that was so suddenly dropped on his shoulders is now lighter.

Today Jongdae expects visitors from all over the county. They are here to update on the harvest or to report any suspicious incidents. Jongdae is a little queasy from the worrying, but as soon as the first farmer steps forward he falls into a comfortable state. As soon as he thinks he is doing a good job, a large problem falls on him.

“Lord Jongdae, the roads are not safe anymore! Just days ago grain was taken right from my arms! Other people of this county have had the same experience!” The woman tells him dramatically. “We can no longer support the county with food if it is not safe, my lord.”

Jongdae nods sympathetically. “I understand. I will immediately reach out to the knights—”

“My lord, I am sorry for interrupting, but may I speak to you for a second?” The servant by his side suddenly asks.

Jongdae blinks in surprise. “Why, of course. Is something the matter?”

“You see, my lord.” The servant whispers, side-eyeing the woman. “This has been going on before Count Kim Jongsuk fell ill. The knights do not want to comply unless their pay is raised.”

“Why has it not been raised?”

“Our treasure does not support it. Unless we receive more from the king, we cannot afford to lose more coin to the knights.”

“Has my father informed the king of this conversation?”

The servant shakes his head. “He has not. I am afraid that is in your hands now.”

Jongdae swallows. Writing to the king is not something he could ever see himself doing, but more things are becoming reality with being a count.

“I see,” Jongdae says, nodding. He looks back to the woman in front of him. “We will be putting a stop to this danger as soon as possible. Please have patience.”

“Thank you,” the woman says, her expression surprised as she turns to leave.

After handling five more people, Jongdae has little time to chow down a meal, and then he is back to count duty again. When the night has fallen and there are no longer any guests to entertain or letters to write, Jongdae takes his horse from the stables. He rides off in the night with no worries in mind.

\---

A reply comes from the king. Jongdae doubts he wrote the words himself, but his seal has been waxed neatly on the bottom of the scroll. Jongdae takes a deep breath as his eyes skim over the words. The king of his country is to arrive at the castle in about five days to overlook the problem. It says to acquire all treasurer documents from the day Count Kim Jongsuk took his position. Then there is a standard salutation followed by the signature and the waxed seal.

Jongdae exhales and carefully lays the letter on the high table.

He looks up to the unsure servant at his side, “Please look to see if my father is awake. I must consult him on this matter.”

The servant nods briefly before rushing out of the dining room. The letter came while Jongdae was spooning down some rabbit stew, surprising him into a choking fit.

Actual royalty visiting the castle requires nothing but the utmost professionality from him. Knowing only basic manners is not going to cover it. Without his father’s advice, Jongdae is sure to make a fool of himself.

Thankfully, the servant comes back with good news. His father has been awake all morning.

Jongdae steps into his parents’ bedroom with a hint of shame, having not visited it once after his father collapsed. His mother is at the bedside, a bowl of stew in her lap. As Jongdae’s eyes glance over to his father, a wave of shock hits him. His father has been nothing but a strong, good man with willpower and compassion. To see him lying hopelessly in bed, his skin saggy and eyes bleak, is a painful sight.

“Father,” Jongdae calls shakily.

His father finally notices him, eyes immediately gaining some life. “My son…” he says fondly.

Jongdae then steps forward to kneel at the bedside. He takes his father’s cold hand in his and kisses it. “Father, how are you?”

“The physician says I am doing better.” There is pride in his tone. “I am not so easily beaten, my son. God may have brought bad fortune upon us but the Kim family is strong! Now, tell me, what is bothering you?”

Jongdae hesitantly looks over to his mother. “…The king has announced that he will visit our castle in five days. To help with the problem regarding our county’s safety.”

His father merely blinks in surprise while his mother is frozen in shock. “Has he, now?”

“I received the letter moments ago.”

“Are you worried, my boy?”

Jongdae remains silent.

“You do not need to be. If you handle it the way you are handling my duties, you will be short of nothing.”

“But father—”

“No, son. Please have faith in my words. You think too much of this man.” His father says sternly.

“Too much? Father, he is the _king_!”

A sigh comes from his father’s lips. “Remember the first advice I gave you? It was to be equal to the people. I did not mean only those lower to you. Do not address the king for any less than he is, but do not be underneath him either.”

“But—”

“That is the only thing I will tell you. Now let an old man rest.”

His father then closes his eyes. Jongdae leaves the room feeling even more anxious than before.

Without as much as a second thought, he retrieves his horse from the stables and rides the familiar path to the mill. He needs to take his mind off things before he worries too much.

Drumming his fist on the door, Mother Kim swiftly answers, surprised at Jongdae’s sudden visit.

“My lord, why have you come here at such a strange hour?”

“I want to see Joonmyun, if that is alright?”

“Of course!” She waves inside, moving out of the door to give Jongdae room to go in.

The small though cozy cottage has Jongdae’s mind at ease immediately. “Where can I find him?”

“He is taking a break in his room.”

 Jongdae nods, “Thank you.”

Entering Joonmyun’s room, Jongdae instantly spots Joonmyun lying in bed, sleeping soundly. The door falls closed and it jolts him awake.

Joonmyun blinks in surprise. “Jongdae? What are you doing here?”

“I am troubled. I wish to take my mind off things.”

“But of course.” Joonmyun replies with a soft smile. He sits up and pats the empty space next to him. Jongdae plops down with a deep sigh, raking his hand through his hair. “Shall I grab some leftover stew?”

“No, thank you. That will not be necessary. All this worry has made me queasy.”

Joonmyun shrugs, “Alright, then.”

As Jongdae gives him a smile, he notices prominent bags under Joonmyun’s eyes. Worriedly, he brings his finger up to rub at them. “Have you not been sleeping well?”

Joonmyun averts his eyes, “I have not, no. Meeting with you every night has taken away many hours of sleep.”

Guilt fills Jongdae. How could he let his friend suffer for his own selfish reasons?

“Then we are not to meet anymore. I do not wish for you to waste your hours on me.”

Joonmyun snaps up in shock. “What are you talking about?”

“We should no longer see each other at nighttime if it is interfering with your health.” Jongdae explains with a heavy heart.

“No,” Joonmyun says sharply. “There is nothing that will stop me from seeing you. I have nothing on this farm. Nothing. But you are my friend and I will _not_ have that taken from me.”

Surprised at Joonmyun’s sudden confession, Jongdae lets his hand drop. He frowns at the sudden increase of his heartbeat, but soon he is back to his senses. “Alright. We will continue to meet. But we should shorten the time together. If you are lacking sleep I do not wish to be responsible.”

“That is fine. As long as I have _something_ to keep me from this damned farm.”

Jongdae ends up eating some stew anyway, and he stays way too long again, but in the moment, he does not care. The mill and Joonmyun take all his troubles miles away.

\---

The king’s entrance is grand, thanks to Jongdae’s mother. She has commanded for every part of the castle to be clean, and every servant to be on their best act. It has shown. Jongdae has never seen the great hall cleaner, neither seen the castle so brightly lit. It feels a tiny bit disorienting, since the castle has lost a bit of its homey feel, but the admiring gaze of the king as he glances around the hall makes it all worth it.

Jongdae is wearing his best tunic and trousers, two dark blue pieces embroidered with only the finest gold. It itches under his armpit, but for the sake of appearances, Jongdae endures it. He and his mother stand together by their respective seats as the king walks past the rows of bowing servants.  Mostly guards, but two maids and the commander of the knights as well.

As he stops in front of Jongdae, the king pauses before stretching out a hand. The man is around the same age as Jongdae’s father, but his face is lined with more scars. He wears color nothing short of royal – dark red and gold. The look of the crown adorning his head is intimidating, and Jongdae gulps before taking the hand and kissing it.

“Your majesty,” he greets with a bow.

The king gives him a brief smile. “You look just like your father.”

As he moves on to Jongdae’s mother, a genuine smile appears on his face, staying there even after he’s kissed her hand. “Your majesty,” his mother says with a shy smile before she bows.

“Lady Sunhyeon, are my eyes deceiving me or have you only gotten more beautiful over time?”

“Oh, stop it! I am married – I do not have time for your flatteries.”

The seemingly harsh words from his mother alarm Jongdae on the inside, but the king does nothing but laugh at her words. “Ah, my lady, loyal as ever. I am glad to see you again. Let us sit down.”

“Of course, your majesty.” Jongdae says with a nod, sweat beading down his temple.

The king is seated at the head of the table with Jongdae and his mother on one side and the commander on the other. Jongdae snaps his fingers to let a servant bring the papers that were asked for. The king gives a nod to the servant before focusing on the paperwork. He grumbles for a bit as he shuffles through the pages and reports before finally letting go of them.

“Tell me the problem again, dear son.” The king asks Jongdae.

“The knights defending the county refuse to continue their duty unless the pay is raised,” Jongdae explains calmly, holding his clammy hands together underneath the table.

The king hums before moving his eyes to the commander’s. “Tell me, kind Sir. Why, after having been paid the same amount of coin for as long as this county has been in stand, do you wish for it to change now?”

“Food has been costing more. We have children too young for labor. The money we receive is no longer enough to keep our families fed and healthy – there have already been reports of deceased children, your majesty. It is only with the utmost desperation that I ask for more.”

The king nods. “I see, I see,” he says before gazing over at Jongdae. “And you say your treasures cannot allow it?”

“I am afraid so, your majesty. We know what problems the knights and their families are facing, but we simply do not have the coin to help them.”

“That is very unfortunate,” the king mumbles. “My kingdom has had hardships in the past, but this county has never given me trouble. It is with my respect for your father’s nobility and ruling that I will allow for more treasury to be sent your way.”

Jongdae has to stop himself from gasping in joy. With a humble bow of the head, he says: “Thank you, your majesty. Your generosity is much appreciated.”

“Good,” The king replies with a nod. “I would like some supper now.”

“Right away, your majesty.” Jongdae’s mother says, getting up from her seat.

The commander excuses himself as well, and Jongdae is left with the king and a tied stomach. Conversing with the king had been hard enough with his mother there, but now he is completely lost.

“Your father is a good man,” the king then says. “I hate to know he has fallen ill.”

“I feel so too, your majesty. Fortunately, he is recovering.”

“That is good to hear. The great Kim Jongsuk would never succumb to a disease. He is a strong knight and a just ruler. If he dies, it should be nothing less than honorable.” The king states, nodding to himself. “When I heard about his illness, and read your letter, my curiosity was piqued. For a successor to take his father’s place so sudden is certainly not easy, but your letter was outstanding for someone of your age. I was surprised at first, but you are Kim Jongsuk’s son after all. I am glad to have come to know the county will be in good hands when you are to rule.”

Short of air with all the praise, Jongdae can only bow. “Thank you, your majesty. Your kind words mean a lot.”

And it is true. The words echo into Jongdae’s mind for the remainder of the day. He repeats them into his head while showing the king around, while shoveling down dinner, and even now, when riding his horse into the depth of the night.

\---

The first thing Jongdae does as he enters the clearing by the creek is tackle Joonmyun into an embrace. As they roll around on the bank, Jongdae nearly crushes the poor guy. Joonmyun doesn’t question his happiness, only laughing along with him while Jongdae celebrates his victory. It takes a while for Jongdae to calm down. When he does so, he rolls off Joonmyun and stares up at the stars, heaving a deep sigh of relief.

“It went well?” Joonmyun asks with a grin.

“Better than I could have ever hoped for,” Jongdae answers, shaking his head in disbelief. “He told me the county would be in good hands if it was in mine, Joonmyun. I couldn’t believe it.”

“Seems surreal,” Joonmyun agrees.

Jongdae gives him a raised eyebrow, “So you think I would not be able to rule the county well?” He teases.

“Of course I didn’t mean it that way, you fool.” Joonmyun replies, but as he sees Jongdae’s grin he smacks him on the chest. Then he visibly relaxes and gives Jongdae a genuine smile. “You would be great at running the land. You should know that without the king telling you.”

“I know. But I felt so awed when he told me. I felt like, for the first time, I could believe it.”

“So you didn’t believe me when I said it?” Joonmyun asks, looking a bit offended.

“You are different,” Jongdae counters immediately.

“Of course, I am a mere farmer.”

As Joonmyun’s look grows a little sad, Jongdae feels his heart sink. With a pull, Jongdae gets Joonmyun on his feet and looks him straight into the eyes. “Listen, Joonmyun. Your status means nothing to me, okay? The king is something who is taught to recognize who will be good for his kingdom, so to be named worthy as a count from him is a great honor. But from you – my friend, all I wish is support, and you have given me plenty. Especially when times were hard. You were the only one there for me, nothing could ever replace that.”

“Jongdae…” Joonmyun mumbles, his cheeks reddened. A sudden nervousness etches itself into Jongdae’s system as Joonmyun’s beautiful chestnut eyes gaze up at him, causing his heart to beat faster. Joonmyun’s pale skin is delectable, so heavenly that Jongdae can’t resist cupping his cheek.

“You are special to me,” Jongdae then whispers. A soft gasp falls from Joonmyun’s pretty pink lips before he pulls Jongdae closer and kisses him. Jongdae feels a pinch of shock at the feeling of such soft lips, but soon he finds himself kissing back. Joonmyun wraps his arms around Jongdae’s neck, pulling him even closer as their lips mold together. What they do is absolutely atrocious from any outsider’s perspective, yet Jongdae can’t find himself to stop. Joonmyun’s lips make him shake with joy, something he has never felt in this way before. It feels so unbelievably good, Jongdae immediately concludes nothing could top kissing Joonmyun.

“What are we going to do now?” Joonmyun asks when they separate.

“Let us think about that later,” Jongdae whispers, then takes Joonmyun’s lips again.

\---

Since the big problem has been solved, Jongdae finds being a count a lot easier. When the troubles of the knights had not shown up, Jongdae felt easy too, but now, with Joonmyun at his side as something more than a friend, fulfilling his duties is no longer a burden. The news of his father’s slow but steady recovery has a positive impact on his motivation as well. The end of spring has only brought good things so far, and Jongdae has faith the rest of the year will be good to him.

Since the temperatures have gone up, Joonmyun seems to have been feeling better. During the winter and early spring the whole family is at their weakest, so to see his beloved and his family healthy and cheery makes Jongdae relieved. Joonmyun reports the wheat is doing well and though the harvest will be smaller than last year, it will still be a strong harvest. The animals have also returned to the mill, providing many services which lightens Joonmyun’s job.

Feeling delighted overall, Jongdae smiles all the way to the kitchen. He finds Chanyeol there. The latter is munching on some bread, but stops as he sees Jongdae’s blissful state.

“What has gotten into you, my lord? I have not seen you this happy in months!” Chanyeol commentates, looking pleasantly surprised.

Jongdae heaves a dreamy sigh as he takes a bowl out of a cupboard. “Can a man not be happy without a reason?”

“There ought to be _something_ making you so giddy!” Chanyeol presses with a smile.

Jongdae shrugs, “I suppose so.” He pours some duck stew in the bowl and grabs a spoon. “I am going to visit my father now. He has recovered but is still resting.” Before he leaves, he pats Chanyeol’s shoulder and says: “There is good fortune in the air, my friend. I can feel it.”

Chanyeol gives him an estranged stare as he exits.

As Jongdae passes through the halls, he thinks of the evening, when he will spend time with Joonmyun again. Soon, when his freedom returns, he will have more time with his beloved. Jongdae shivers in delight just thinking about it. Overcome by happiness, Jongdae whistles all the way to his father’s room.

He doesn’t bother to knock, which turns out to be a bad decision. The first thing he sees is his parents sharing a kiss. “Father!” Jongdae yells in shock.

His parents break apart instantly, but his father breaks out in laughter seconds later. “You should have knocked, my son.” His mother casts a shy smile, keeping it behind her hand.

Jongdae, smiling in defeat, stalks over to his father’s bedside, setting the bowl down on his father’s lap.

“What is it, my son? Why do you seem so happy?” His father asks.

“Nothing,” Jongdae says with a small smile. “I am just happy my father has recovered.”

“Yes, my son. I am glad as well.” His father affirms with a smile. “Your mother is happy too. She can finally kiss me again!” Another burst of laughter from his father has Jongdae feeling awkward. At least their marriage is not loveless, Jongdae thinks as he sees his mother grab her husband’s hand.

“When will you resume your duties as a count, father?”

“Tomorrow,” he answers before spooning the stew.

“Tomorrow?” Jongdae repeats in disbelief.

“Yes. I am tired of this bed. You have done a fine job of taking over my duties, but I must resume my position as soon as I can.”

“You ought to take it slow, father. You have only been cleared for a day!”

“It will be fine, son.” His father waves him away. “And if I collapsed again, at least I know I will not have to worry about my county.”

“Father…”

Jongdae’s father grabs his hand and gives him an earnest look. “My son, you have no idea how proud I am. Your mother has told me about everything that you did and I could not be happier. You are born to take over my position. I am honored to call you my son, Jongdae.”

Jongdae swallows, feeling a bit teary-eyed. “Thank you, father. I could not have done it without your guidance.”

His father smiles softly, a smile he only reserves for family. “No words can describe my pride.” He repeats, squeezing Jongdae’s hand one last time before letting go. “Now, you may leave. Go back to your freedom.”

“I will, father.”

Just as Jongdae opens the door, his father speaks up again. “And say hello to the farmer boy from me!”

Jongdae immediately blushes from tip to toe, feeling as if he has been caught. “I will father,” he mutters before leaving the room. After closing the door, Jongdae leans against it and sighs deeply. He closes his eyes for a few seconds before opening them again and grinning. Adrenaline rushes through his body as he sprints to the stables, the smile never once slipping off his face. He can’t wait to tell Joonmyun.

\---

Joonmyun is ecstatic when Jongdae tells them they can finally spend more time together. His eyes light up and he embraces Jongdae tightly before it turns into a kissing session. Jongdae wastes no time inviting Joonmyun over to the castle.

Now, two days later, Joonmyun is in the castle, the two of them watching the sunset together from a cushioned bench in Jongdae’s room. The clouds are tinged a lovely pink, their stretch over the entire dusky sky causing for an endless sight to see. Jongdae pulls Joonmyun close, linking their hands together. The view is relaxing for both of them – neither feel any troubles whatsoever.

Being in the castle meant hiding their touches and other signs of love, and to be by his lover’s side and not being able to touch him was great torture for Jongdae. Since their love was so new, Jongdae could not get enough of touching Joonmyun. His waist, his neck, his lips – Jongdae wants to love all of him. Joonmyun is a bit shyer with his displays of affections, but he will always want a kiss before they part ways.

Jongdae runs his fingers over Joonmyun’s arm as the sun gradually sinks in the sky. A content sigh escapes Joonmyun’s pretty lips before he speaks: “It is about time I go.”

Jongdae pauses. “Why so soon?” He asks, caressing Joonmyun’s cheek with his thumb.

“It is already late, Jongdae.”

Joonmyun gets up from his seat, dusting off his clothes and readjusting them. “…you can always leave tomorrow morning.” Jongdae proposes softly.

Joonmyun turns to him, surprise in his eyes. “Are you… suggesting I stay the night?”

“Only if you want to, of course.” Jongdae says softly, giving Joonmyun an unreadable look.

A blush appears on Joonmyun’s pretty cheeks as his eyes avoid Jongdae’s. He fidgets with his sleeves, pulling on the loose threads. “Okay…” He mumbles in agreement. “I will stay for the night.”

“Should I arrange a guest room or…?” Jongdae fails to finish the sentence. He’s a little afraid to voice his wants.

A long silence comes from Joonmyun, but then he strolls over to Jongdae’s bed and sits down. “No… No, I will sleep here. If I may.”

“I would love to have you here.” Jongdae whispers back, coming to stand in front of Joonmyun.

A small smile plays up at Joonmyun’s lips. It makes Jongdae feel warm inside, if not a little nervous. He tangles his fingers in Joonmyun’s soft locks before cupping his cheeks and pressing a soft kiss to his lips. His hands slowly slide to Joonmyun’s neck as their lips rub against each other, and eventually, he’s pulling on the ties keeping Joonmyun’s tunic together.

After pushing Joonmyun’s garment off his shoulders, Jongdae disconnects their lips, allowing Joonmyun to take his undershirt off. Jongdae has never sees Joonmyun in a state of undress. So, when his eyes fall over the expanse of Joonmyun’s bare torso, a shiver of need courses through his body. Not a second later Joonmyun is pushed down on the middle of the bed, Jongdae’s lips attached to his neck while his hands undo his own tunic. Jongdae feels fingers slide in his hair, pulling on his locks.

Joonmyun feels heavenly under his lips. His skin is strangely silky for someone of lower class and he smells wonderful as well. Jongdae cannot stop himself from sucking the soft skin into his mouth. It causes Joonmyun to shiver against him, a throaty whimper leaving his lips.

“J-Jongdae,” he moans, fingers tightening around Jongdae’s locks.

Jongdae takes one look at Joonmyun’s mussed state and instantly feels his lower regions stir. His cheeks are red as he pleads for Jongdae with nothing more than a glassy look. Wasting no more time, Jongdae strips himself of his undershirt. Joonmyun only has a second to admire Jongdae’s torso before the latter is back to kissing his skin again, this time going lower. Kissing his way to Joonmyun’s soft nubs, Jongdae pauses to admire the perkiness. With one last glance at Joonmyun’s shy expression, Jongdae latches his lips onto Joonmyun’s left nipple, softly sucking on the pink skin. Joonmyun’s other nub is not left alone; Jongdae’s fingers come to play with it, gently pushing and rubbing against the soft nub.

Mewls sprout from Joonmyun’s mouth. He closes his hand around his mouth, feeling embarrassed, but Jongdae pulls it off and kisses the back of his palm.

“I want to hear you, my love.” His words seem to flatter Joonmyun, who blushes and keeps his hand away.

As Jongdae goes back to loving Joonmyun’s chest area, he adjusts his lower area so it slots them together. His own hardness presses against Joonmyun’s, causing for both of them to groan softly. Surprisingly, Joonmyun pulls Jongdae down for a kiss this time, their lips mushing together before Joonmyun dares to part his lips and let Jongdae do as he wants. The sensation of Joonmyun’s warm mouth against his tongue has Jongdae’s cock stirring.

One of Jongdae’s hands sneakily moves in between them and pulls on the strings of Joonmyun’s trousers. The garment slides off Joonmyun’s legs, revealing toned thighs from days of farmer’s work. Jongdae pulls off Joonmyun to undo his own bottom parts, leaving both of them naked. A blush spreads over Joonmyun’s cheeks as Jongdae catches him staring.

Jongdae runs his fingers down the inside of Joonmyun’s thigh. “Can I touch you?” He whispers.

“Y-yes, of course.” Joonmyun answers softly.

Carefully, Jongdae takes Joonmyun’s stiff member in his hand, curling his fingers around the shaft. It feels warm. The veins running along the expanse of Joonmyun’s cock pulsate against his skin, leaving Jongdae fascinated. Jongdae gives an experimental tug, which causes an immediate effect –  Joonmyun gasps, jerking up against him. Seeing Joonmyun’s lovely reaction, Jongdae starts to stroke softly, taking his time. He pulls the foreskin down slowly and rubs the tip with his thumb, Making Joonmyun emit a gasp.

While that goes down, Jongdae lowers his free hand to Joonmyun’s sack. It twitches in his hand when he massages it, and seeing how it pleasures Joonmyun, Jongdae touches it with care. The sounds coming from Joonmyun and his expression are enough indication that he is liking it – he is in a blissful state. Jongdae takes one last look at the ecstatic expression painting Joonmyun’s features before he lowers his hand even further and presses two fingers against his entrance. Joonmyun’s eyes immediately spring open.

“Wh-what?” He asks groggily.

“Can I…?” Jongdae whispers. “I promise to be gentle.”

“O-okay,” Joonmyun complies, though looking a bit unsure.

Jongdae grabs the oil from his nightstand, coating his fingers in it before leaning back over Joonmyun. Then he spreads Joonmyun’s legs, causing the latter to feel embarrassed at the exposure. Jongdae places a reassuring kiss to the inside of his thigh, smiles at him, and lowers his hands to Joonmyun’s intimate area. The same hand wraps around his cock again, while the other moves past his sack. To make Joonmyun relax, Jongdae rubs him some more while his free hand calmly massages around his entrance.

As soon as the blissful expression is back on Joonmyun’s face, Jongdae pushes one finger past his rim. Joonmyun immediately clenches, but Jongdae barely notices it – Joonmyun is warm and tight, sucking him in. He gasps softly at the feeling and thrusts his entire finger in.

Joonmyun is giving him a glassy look, both his lips and eyes glistening. Jongdae cannot resist connecting their lips together.

“You are so beautiful,” Jongdae whispers into his hair. “I am undeserving.”

Joonmyun blushes all the way up to his ears, but this time he does not look away. Instead, he pulls Jongdae down for another kiss. Another unexpected move is Joonmyun’s hand wrapping around his cock. Jongdae moans into the kiss, nearly forgetting to continue pleasuring Joonmyun.

He slips a second finger in with ease, and it doesn’t take long for Joonmyun to take a third. At one point, Joonmyun begins to feel too pleasured to do anything other than receive Jongdae’s touches, so he does just that, letting go of Jongdae’s cock in the process. Though the loss of Joonmyun’s hand is a shame, Jongdae feels no real remorse. After all, with Joonmyun splayed out so beautifully he can simply not complain. It does fuel his desire to replace his fingers with his cock, but he has to make sure Joonmyun can handle it.

“Do you think you could take me?” Jongdae asks, slowing down the thrusting of his fingers.

Joonmyun looks up with heavy eyes, his hair mussed and face flushed. “Take you?”

“Yes…” Jongdae answers, pressing his aching cock against Joonmyun’s thigh for emphasis.

Joonmyun bites his lip, nodding. “Okay.”

Jongdae slowly removes his fingers, which doesn’t go without a whimper from Joonmyun. He proceeds to cover his member in oil before pressing the tip against Joonmyun’s entrance. With a deep breath, Jongdae guides his cock in, and is immediately struck by the tightness. A loud groan escapes him. It feels better than he could have ever imagined. The tight, hot walls are enveloping his cock in a way that makes his head spin.

When Jongdae finally gets past the amazing suction, he gazes at Joonmyun. His beloved is breathing heavily, hands desperately reaching out to pull Jongdae down. Jongdae complies instantly, letting Joonmyun wrap his arms around his neck in order for them to kiss. As the distraction serves its purpose, Jongdae slowly begins to thrust in and out. First he is careful, trying his best not to hurt Joonmyun, but as the latter begins to keen, Jongdae gains confidence and moves a little faster.

Eventually, Jongdae lets go of limits, knowing Joonmyun can take it. Joonmyun becomes a lot more vocal, high-pitched sounds leaving his throat along with strings of Jongdae’s name. When Jongdae begins to thrust deeper, Joonmyun lets out a loud moan while his entire body shudders. He clenches around Jongdae, causing him to groan as well. Jongdae takes that as a good sign and keeps imitating his previous move, sending Joonmyun into a state of constant pleasure.  

After a particularly good thrust, which ended in a sob from Joonmyun, the latter reaches between their bodies and starts fisting his cock. Jongdae leans down to kiss him again, slipping his tongue in as Joonmyun opens his mouth for a moan. Not seconds later, Joonmyun comes with a cry of Jongdae’s name. His seed paints Jongdae’s torso, dripping back down on his own chest.

Jongdae has to suppress himself from crying out when Joonmyun clenches down so hard. The sensation is so fulfilling, Jongdae gives in after a few more thrusts. With his eyes shut in pleasure, Jongdae shakes through his orgasm, bursting in Joonmyun’s hot walls. He pulls out and drops dead on Joonmyun’s chest, having never felt so good.

After his breath returns to normal, Jongdae takes a look at Joonmyun. A shy smile plays on Joonmyun’s lips, his cheeks still flushed from the heat. Jongdae feels his heart fill with adoration and pulls Joonmyun closer so he can lean on his chest. Joonmyun shivers a little, causing Jongdae to immediately grabs the covers to keep his beloved from getting cold.

Pressing a kiss to Joonmyun’s lips, Jongdae smiles softly. “I am so in love with you. Nothing in my life has ever made me happier than being with you.”

Joonmyun blushes a deep red, hiding his face in Jongdae’s shoulder.

“I feel so too,” he mumbles.

\---

All good things come to an end. His freedom, Joonmyun, and his happiness – they all come to an end in just a single day. The day itself does not start off bad. Not at all, after having another night with Joonmyun by the creek in the clearing Jongdae feels happier than ever, energized and ready to start the day after a rich breakfast. The pleased expression stays on his face until he enters the dining hall, where only his mother is.

She sits in her usual spot, but with an unreadable expression.

Jongdae knows that look – it means bad news.

“Mother? Is something wrong?”

She looks up, a flash of anger crossing her eyes before she goes back to neutrality. “Come here, Jongdae.”

Gulping at her strict tone, Jongdae strolls over to the dining table, halting in front of his mother. Her mouth is turned down, making her look a lot older than she is. A cold aura surrounds her, sending Jongdae into a nervous fit, where he fiddles with his fingers and bites his lip.

A loud sigh falls from her lips. “Jongdae… a servant told me of your farmer boy.” Jongdae stills in shock. “Is it true?”

Jongdae’s skin turns cold, the hairs on his neck rising. “I-is what true?” He asks in an attempt to prove his innocence.

She slams her fist on the table, fire burning in her eyes. Jongdae jerks back in shock, not used to seeing his mother like this. “You know what I am speaking of. Do _not_ lie, Jongdae.”

“I do not know, mother!” Jongdae protests, trying to protect himself and Joonmyun.

Sunhyeon stands up, placing her hands on the surface of the table and knocking over her goblet in the process. “You _fucked_ him,” she spits accusingly.

Jongdae’s fists ball tightly. “Mother,” he begins calmly. “I love him.”

_Smack!_

Jongdae holds his burning cheek, looking up at his mother in terror. She had hit him!

“Be glad I have not told your father of this.” The rage in her expression was beyond terrifying. “You are never going to see this boy again.”

“ _Please_ , Mother! You do not understand!” Jongdae pleads, tears forming in his eyes.

“You are no longer allowed to leave the castle. If I see you setting one step outside of our grounds I will lock you in your room.” His mother says, breaking Jongdae apart. “And you better be on your best behavior from now on, because I am sending out a letter to your fiancé and you are to be married within a week!”

“Mother, no! Please, please,” Jongdae repeats, desperation in his tone.

His mother gives him another glare. “Be gone. I cannot look at you,” she spits.

The disgust in his mother’s voice has tears rolling down his cheeks. Never has he ever been treated this way. His mother could be angry and irritated, but she was never _disgusted_ with him. Such insulating actions were unknown within their family. Jongdae wipes his tears and proceeds to his room, where he cries his hurt out.

\---

Being apart from Joonmyun is one of the worst things to ever happen to him. He did not realize how prominent the latter was in his life until they could no longer meet. Before they would meet nearly every night, talking endlessly and relieving stress together. There was no one who could make him feel as joyful as Joonmyun. The constant happiness he thought was never-ending suddenly stopped, leaving him hollowed and pained. Every waking moment he spends thinking of Joonmyun – his smile, his warmth, his body. Jongdae is stuck in a continuous heartache.

He knows better than to disobey his mother, so he acts normal in front of his parents. Behind all this he does not smile, vomits every piece of food that touches his tongue, and sobs into late hours of the night. His mother’s endless glaring leaves him feeling unwelcome in his own home, even his father’s smiles make him feel isolated. He wants nothing more than to flee in Joonmyun’s comforting embrace, but that is simply not possible.

Jongdae manages to bribe one of the messengers into taking a letter to Joonmyun with a few pieces of gold. Even though he can explain the situation to Joonmyun, there is nothing he can do to stop it. His fiancé arrived a day ago, but Jongdae wants nothing to do with her. He only greeted her because his mother’s glare was pressing. His father has been more than happy with “Jongdae’s” decision to marry her, repeating his words of pride over and over again.

Jongdae feels nothing. Being away from Joonmyun and keeping up appearances at the same time is numbing.

The wedding preparations go by in a flash. Jongdae gives no thought to the colors of his garments or the flowers, how big the cake should be and what song should be played when his fiancé walks down the aisle. Jongdae lets her decide everything, which pleases her. When the date is set and everything is prepared, the invitations are sent out. it is all moving fast – so fast, it is surreal to Jongdae.

Before he knows it, he is in his best clothing, ready to take his place on the aisle. The priest looks ecstatic to bless their marriage, the minstrel plays his tune happily, and all the guests have smiles on their faces. Jongdae plays his part, knowing ruining the wedding is going to get him in a worse position than he already is. After being the good groom and smiling at his bride and kissing her lips, the feast begins, which is a lot less exclusive than the wedding. The more important figures leave, but the people of the county barge in happily.

Knowing Joonmyun will not come, Jongdae eats his sadness away. He dances with his bride after his mother shoots him a glare and holds her hand when his father urges him to do so. The evening ends with Jongdae taking his bride to his room, the whistling of the men audible all the way.

With a sigh, Jongdae closes the door behind them. His wife stares at him curiously before turning to the window, peering out with a distant smile.

“Today was a lovely day,” Heejin commentates softly.

“I agree,” Jongdae replies, sitting down on the bed. He lights some candles on the nightstand, reminiscing the time he took Joonmyun here. A sad smile pulls on his lips, but he blanks his expression as he sees his wife’s figure coming closer. He hears the sounds of fabric rustling and he gazes up just in time to see his wife’s garment falling to the floor. Jongdae looks away immediately.

“U-um,” he stammers.

Heejin steps closer, putting her hands on Jongdae’s and guiding them to her small breasts. They feel soft in his hands, and Jongdae will not deny Heejin is a very beautiful lady, but the only thing running through his mind is _not Joonmyun not Joonmyun not Joonmyun_. She presses her body against Jongdae’s, causing a shiver of panic to run down Jongdae’s spine, and he pushes her away.

“I am sorry, I cannot—” He does not finish his sentence, only looking down in shame.

Heejin heaves a deep sigh, stepping back into her garment. “It is alright.”

“I am sorry,” Jongdae repeats. “I am going outside to think, please excuse me.”

“Will you go to see your beloved?”

Jongdae freezes, giving his wife a shocked look. “How do you know?”

“Your mother told me. She spoke of a beloved.”

“I am sorry,” Jongdae says for the third time now, not knowing what else to say.

“It is alright. I do not mind. We do not love each other. And if you will never love me then I will never love you.”

“You do not mind if I leave?” Jongdae asks, surprised with this warm reception of such a scandalous secret.

“I will not lie next to a miserable man. That is bad luck for me,” she says with a shrug.

“Thank you,” Jongdae whispers. “I cannot thank you enough.”

Heejin waves him off dismissively and Jongdae is out the door. He rushes through the halls, only bumping into a servant a few times. He saddles his horse at light speed and is off into the night within minutes. With nothing more than his ceremonial gown and his horse, Jongdae races to the place where his heart aches to be.

\---

The night is pitch-black, but all his senses are tingling – the smell of damp air, the sounds of his horse’s hoofs clopping on the ground, the touch of the soft wind and the hard leather of the reins, the breathtaking view of the starry sky, and the lingering taste of tonight’s supper. He feels alive. Having broken free from all his restrains, Jongdae can no longer stop himself from grinning.

Jongdae steers his horse without much of a second thought, knowing the direction by heart. Just thinking of holding Joonmyun in his arms again makes him quiver with want. The ride over the hills is hurried, but not without proper appreciation. Jongdae basks in his first minutes of freedom, even if he would rather spend them with Joonmyun.

There is no time to think of consequences. That is why Jongdae ends up knocking on the door of the mill this late in the night.

When Mother Kim opens the door, Jongdae sees a few candles lit inside, but it is evident she was sleeping by the look in her eyes. “L-lord Jongdae? Why are you here at this hour?” She asks, baffled by his presence.

“Is Joonmyun inside?”

She blinks at him in surprise before shaking her head, “No, he is out late again. He has been doing so a lot lately. Would you like to come inside and wait for him?”

“No, thank you. I know where to find him,” Jongdae says, not aware of how strange it may sound to Mother Kim.

With a polite bow, he is back out in the night, jumping on his horse with minimum effort. A tap of his ankles signals his horse to move, making the animal gallop along the creek. Eventually the shrubbery gets thicker, the trees closing in on them, so Jongdae ties his horse to a tree and gives it a rewarding kiss for its effort.

“No apple this time, sorry.” Jongdae mutters against its forehead.

The anticipation grows in his chest, causing some heavy breathing. Jongdae balls his fists at his side as he makes his way along the creek, forcing himself to calm down. Despite not being able to see much, Jongdae knows the clearing is in sight. His attention suddenly shifts as he sees ripples in the water, and when he moves closer his eyes fall on a very familiar pair of legs dangling in the creek.

The moonlight illuminates Joonmyun as kindly as ever, making his features appear softer and lighter. Jongdae has seen Joonmyun in this position several times – alone with his feet resting in the water, but never has he seen such a solemn, outright melancholic expression on his face. His stomach drops at the sight of his beloved in such a state.

“Joonmyun, my sweet.” Jongdae mutters softly, approaching Joonmyun slowly.

Joonmyun looks up, eyes widening before he jumps up, shaking from tip to toe. His facial features twist. “J-Jongdae,” he sobs, running towards him.

Jongdae takes him into his arms, embracing him tightly.

“I can no longer go a day without you,” he whispers into Joonmyun’s soft hair.

Inhaling Joonmyun’s delectable scent, Jongdae closes his eyes, wanting to feel nothing but Joonmyun’s body warmth. Struck with the feeling of having Joonmyun so close, the moment being so raw and real, Jongdae cannot help shedding a few tears. His body shakes against Joonmyun’s, so much happiness coursing through him but so much sadness as well.

When they finally loosen their embrace, Jongdae immediately cups Joonmyun’s cheeks, connecting their gazes.

“You mean so much to me, Joonmyun.”

Tears glisten in Joonmyun’s eyes. “I could not stand being separated from you, Jongdae,” he whispers, shaking his head as his tears fall. Jongdae quickly wipes them off.

“It was the same for me. Without you by my side… I was not me. I am sorry, Joonmyun. Believe me when I say I wanted nothing more than to be with you, but my mother, she- she forbade me from leaving the castle. I could not—”

Joonmyun places a finger on Jongdae’s lips. “I know,” he tells him. “I got the letter you sent. But let us no longer worry about that. I just wish to be with you for now.”

Jongdae dares to let a small smile slip on his face, just for a few seconds before he slants his lips over Joonmyun’s. They melt together instantly, Jongdae’s heart fluttering at the familiar feeling. Joonmyun’s lips are as cushiony as ever when Jongdae feels him pressing closer. The touch sends jolts throughout his entire body, creating such a unique, addicting feeling of ecstasy. Jongdae decides he would be content to forever hold Joonmyun like this.

“Did you really get married?” Joonmyun asks after a while.

Jongdae frowns, looking away. “There was no choice for me to make,” he mutters in defeat.

“I know,” Joonmyun reassures. “I… I only wanted to know.”

“Do not worry, Joonmyun. I care for you alone.”

Joonmyun gives him a tiny smile before more concern strikes his expression. “What will we do now? Will you go back to the castle?”

Jongdae becomes silent. He does not know. Like a fool, at the first opportunity to see Joonmyun he left everything behind. He has nothing but his horse and Joonmyun. But returning to the castle would mean leaving Joonmyun behind and he refuses to go through that again. If his mother finds out, she would punish him even more.

“I do not know what we can do. But I do not wish to return to the castle. All I wish is to be at your side for all of eternity.”

“You wish to… run away?” Joonmyun asks worriedly.

Jongdae becomes silent again, but he gives a small nod.

“Are you mad? You cannot possibly leave your family behind! You are heir to this county, Jongdae!”

“Then what else am I supposed to do?” Jongdae yells. “We cannot be together if I return to the castle. My mother will come in between us. She could have you killed!”

Joonmyun’s expression becomes fearful. Jongdae looks away, sighing. Leaving behind his home and heirdom is not exactly the most ideal situation. The prideful words of his father ring in his ears, filling him with guilt. It would have been easier if there was a next in line, if he was not an only child. A curse slips from his lips as he is being torn between succeeding his father’s legacy or having Joonmyun for the rest of his life. Even though there used to be resentment for having to take over his father one day, after the praise his faith had been lifted, making him ready for the position. There was even a slight bit of eagerness. His father would be greatly disappointed if Jongdae would run away. Their family would have no future.

On the other hand, not being able to love Joonmyun would be just as hard. After the days they spent apart, and the foul reaction of his mother, Jongdae realized that not being with Joonmyun is just impossible. Not a single soul on this earth could convince his family to think different of them, and to live with such hate is simply not an option.

“I cannot live without you by my side,” Jongdae tells Joonmyun. “Do you think you can leave your family behind?”

Joonmyun bites his lip. “I would be perfectly fine if I never had to farm another day in my life… but leaving my family will be hard.”

“If we want to be together you must say goodbye,” Jongdae insists.

Joonmyun nods after a long, hesitant silence. “Okay, I will.”

For a while, the both of them stare at the water, watching the soft movements shimmer in the moonlight. This place is special to them, and this is probably the last time they will ever get to see it. They have made many memories here, many of their friendship but also of their first kiss, and to say goodbye feels a bit poignant. Eventually, they share one last kiss under the pale light before leaving it behind for good.

After helping Joonmyun on the horse, Jongdae jumps on himself, signaling for it to move. They leave behind the lively shrubbery, the warmth of the mill, the grandness of the castle, and the familiar highlands. No more misty mornings and green hills, those times are over. It is bittersweet, but Jongdae is determined to find them a place that will be just as good.

After all, any place is a better place with Joonmyun by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked it please leave a comment :D


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